Red Flags to Watch For in a Dating Partner: An LDS Perspective
Dating is a time to build meaningful connections and understand a partner’s character, values, and compatibility. From an LDS perspective, choosing a companion with shared spiritual goals and values is key to a strong relationship and lasting, Christ-centered marriage.
While each individual has unique traits, there are some universal “red flags” that can indicate potential issues. These are warning signs that someone may not be the right match for a long-term relationship aligned with gospel principles.
1. Lack of Respect for Faith and Beliefs
A respectful attitude toward each other’s beliefs is foundational in any relationship. A partner who disregards or dismisses your faith, or who openly criticizes the Church, may have a different vision for the future.
Mutual respect is essential, especially when it comes to faith, and having a partner who honors your spiritual commitments is crucial in an gospel centered relationship. If a partner shows apathy or hostility toward attending church, participating in prayer, or discussing gospel principles, it can signify a gap in compatibility.
While dating, discuss your spiritual priorities and commitments, such as attending Sunday services, studying scriptures, or preparing for a temple marriage. A partner who respects your beliefs will support these priorities and may even share them, creating a solid foundation for a shared spiritual journey. On the other hand, a partner who tries to sway you from your beliefs or refuses to consider them may not align with the vision you have for your future.
I know from my past dating experiences that there are many “culturally LDS” people out there meaning that they show up to church and pray but do not actually follow the teachings. This could be from habit or pleasing parents with church attendance.
2. Unwillingness to Grow Spiritually
Spiritual growth is a lifelong journey, and a relationship is strengthened when both partners are committed to it. A key LDS dating red flag is when a partner shows no desire to grow spiritually, whether through personal development, church attendance, or building a relationship with God. In a Christ-centered relationship, a shared commitment to grow spiritually together is essential.
You can discuss your spiritual goals and desires with your partner to understand where they stand. Are they willing to support you in your spiritual growth, attend church with you, and study gospel principles together? If they seem indifferent or unmotivated to grow in these areas, it may be difficult to create a relationship based on spiritual unity and progression.
A good Christ centered marriage should include couples prayer, scripture study, and discussions on gospel principles.
3. Poor Communication and Lack of Emotional Transparency
Healthy communication and emotional openness are essential in a relationship. Someone who struggles to communicate openly, especially on important topics like faith, family, and personal growth, may create challenges down the road.
Good communication is needed to resolve misunderstandings, navigate challenges, and develop trust. A partner who is unwilling to share their thoughts or avoids talking about difficult topics may be hiding their true feelings or intentions, which can lead to a lack of trust and security in the relationship.
In LDS relationships, where temple marriage and eternal companionship are often the goals, open communication is especially crucial. Look for a partner who is willing to discuss the important topics, even when they’re difficult. A lack of transparency or an unwillingness to communicate openly could signal a lack of readiness for a committed relationship.
4. Inability to Show Genuine Respect and Kindness
Respect and kindness are foundational to any successful relationship. A partner who lacks respect in their words, actions, or attitude toward you or others can indicate an unhealthy relationship pattern. Look for someone who is kind and considerate, not just to you but to others, including family, friends, and even strangers. How they treat those around them can often reveal their true character.
Additionally, a partner who is respectful of your boundaries, values, and goals is more likely to support you as you build a Christ-centered relationship. However, if they frequently dismiss your feelings, ignore your boundaries, or show a tendency to belittle you or others, these are serious red flags.
You may see a lack of respect in dating through physical advancements, being flakey on dates, or playing games in regards to communication. Such as waiting three days until you contact the person again so that you seem “in demand and hard to catch.”
5. Lack of Accountability or Responsibility
In a committed relationship, both partners need to be accountable and responsible in their actions and promises. A partner who frequently fails to follow through on commitments, avoids responsibility, or blames others for their problems may not be ready for a serious relationship.
Accountability is especially important for building trust, mutual respect, and dependability, which are cornerstones of a successful marriage.
Pay attention to how they handle challenges or setbacks. Do they take responsibility and try to improve, or do they avoid accountability and shift the blame? A partner who takes responsibility for their actions is likely to approach marriage with a level of commitment and maturity that aligns with LDS values.
Watching how someone handles setbacks is not something you generally see straight away, although it will manifest over time. That is why the church suggest that you date for several months so that you can really get to know the other person before marriage.
6. Disregard for Family Values and Future Goals
LDS doctrine places significant emphasis on family. A partner who does not respect the importance of family or who has different views about marriage, children, and family life may not share your long-term vision.
Marriage in the LDS faith is seen as an eternal commitment, often accompanied by a desire to raise a family in the gospel. If your partner has conflicting views about these areas or is not open to discussing them, it may indicate an incompatibility in values.
Being in a marriage with a partner that does not share the same family values can mean that you need to sacrifice a temple marriage and children being born under the covenant just to stay in the relationship. If these values do not align, it is not worth the sacrifice. You will find someone that want all the right things that you do too. Remember it’s always in His timing, not ours.
7. Negative Attitude or Pessimism
Optimism and a positive attitude are important in building a hopeful and supportive partnership. Someone who frequently complains, has a negative view of the future, or dismisses the possibility of positive outcomes can bring a heavy dynamic into the relationship.
As members of the LDS faith, having faith in God’s plan and being optimistic about the future can be a guiding light in a relationship. While we are taught to bear each others burdens it is important to recognize when someone is going through a hard time vs having a negative or pessimistic outlook on life.
Consider how they respond to challenges and setbacks—do they look for solutions and strive to see the positive? Or do they dwell on the negative and bring a pessimistic attitude? A positive outlook can help both partners navigate the ups and downs of life with faith and hope.
Building a Foundation for a Christ-Centered Relationship
In summary, watching for red flags can help ensure that the person you’re dating aligns with your values and vision for a Christ-centered life. A relationship grounded in mutual respect, shared faith, and a commitment to growth is essential for a happy and successful marriage.
Look for a partner who is willing to grow spiritually, communicate openly, and support you in your faith journey. In doing so, you’re more likely to find a companion who is ready to build a lasting relationship that reflects the love, kindness, and commitment taught in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Tell me, what do you look for when you are dating for marriage? Drop it in the comments below.
Vanessa Rooney
LDS Mum
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