Positive Parenting for Toddlers: Building Foundations of Love and Trust
Author: Vanessa Rooney
Vanessa is an Australian LDS lifestyle blogger. Landed in Salt Lake City, Utah, from the sun kissed beaches of Bondi, Australia, Vanessa is a wife and mother of three children.
Parenting toddlers is a whirlwind of emotions, energy, and growth—not just for the child, but for parents as well. Positive parenting, rooted in empathy, communication, and guidance, helps navigate this stage while fostering a loving and respectful relationship between parent and child. As a parent myself, I’ve discovered that applying positive parenting principles not only reduces tantrums but also helps me stay calm, even during the most trying moments.
What Is Positive Parenting?
Positive parenting emphasizes nurturing a child’s emotional and developmental needs rather than relying on punishment or control. It focuses on:
- Encouraging good behavior through positive reinforcement.
- Setting clear, consistent boundaries with kindness.
- Using empathy to understand and respond to a child’s emotions.
For toddlers, this approach is particularly effective as they explore the world, test limits, and learn to express their feelings.
Understanding Toddler Behavior
Why Do Toddlers Act Out?
During the toddler years, children are learning about independence, but they often lack the verbal skills to express their needs and emotions. This can lead to frustration, tantrums, or “acting out.” Positive parenting involves seeing these moments not as misbehavior, but as opportunities to teach and guide.
A Personal Story
One afternoon, my two-year-old daughter, Harper, threw a massive tantrum because I wouldn’t let her have a cookie before dinner. I felt my patience wearing thin, but I reminded myself of the principles of positive parenting.
Instead of yelling or walking away, I knelt down to her level and said calmly, “You’re upset because you want a cookie, right? I know cookies are yummy, but it’s almost time for dinner. Let’s pick a snack together that’s okay before dinner.” She still cried for a few minutes, but when I offered a banana as a choice, she accepted it.
This moment reminded me that toddlers need empathy and guidance, not force. Acknowledging her feelings de-escalated the situation and helped her feel understood.
Positive Parenting Techniques for Toddlers
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
When toddlers feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to cooperate. Use phrases like:
- “I can see you’re feeling frustrated because…”
- “You’re sad because your toy broke. That’s hard, isn’t it?”
Acknowledging emotions doesn’t mean giving in to every demand; it shows your child that their feelings matter.
Example:
During a trip to the park, my son didn’t want to leave. Instead of saying, “Stop crying, we’re leaving now!” I said, “I know you’re sad to leave because you love playing on the slide. How about we come back tomorrow?” He still protested but was calmer as we walked to the car.
2. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
Toddlers need structure to feel secure. Set boundaries that are clear and age-appropriate, and enforce them consistently.
- Instead of: “Stop doing that!”
- Say: “We don’t hit because it hurts people. Let’s use gentle hands instead.”
Personal Experience:
Harrison once started throwing toys in frustration. Instead of scolding him, I calmly said, “Toys aren’t for throwing because they can hurt people. If you’re feeling upset, let’s take a deep breath together.” Over time, he learned to pause and calm herself instead of reacting impulsively.
3. Offer Choices to Empower Them
Giving toddlers choices helps them feel a sense of control while still following your guidance.
Examples:
- “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup for your milk?”
- “Would you like to clean up your toys before or after snack time?”
Personal Story:
When dressing my son for school, he would often resist putting on his shoes. One day, I offered a choice: “Do you want to wear your sneakers or your sandals?” He eagerly chose sandals and put them on without a fuss. Offering simple choices made him feel more independent and cooperative.
4. Redirect Negative Behavior
Instead of focusing on what a toddler shouldn’t do, redirect their energy toward a positive activity.
Example:
If your toddler is throwing crayons, say, “Crayons are for coloring. Let’s see if we can draw a big circle together!”
5. Use Positive Reinforcement
Praise and encouragement go a long way in reinforcing good behavior. Be specific in your praise to help toddlers understand what they did well.
- Instead of: “Good job!”
- Say: “I love how you shared your toy with your friend. That was so kind!”
Personal Story:
One day, Harrison helped his little sister put on her shoes without being asked. I said, “Wow, Harrison, you were such a great helper! That was so kind of you.” His face lit up, and he’s been eager to help her ever since.
6. Stay Calm During Tantrums
Tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood. Staying calm helps your child learn emotional regulation.
Tips for Staying Calm:
- Take a deep breath before responding.
- Remind yourself that tantrums are a phase, not a reflection of your parenting.
- Use a calm voice to diffuse the situation.
Benefits of Positive Parenting for Toddlers
- Stronger Parent-Child Bond: Toddlers feel safe and loved when parents respond with empathy and understanding.
- Better Emotional Regulation: Children learn to manage their emotions by observing how you handle challenges.
- Fewer Power Struggles: Offering choices and acknowledging feelings reduces resistance.
- Encourages Cooperation: Positive reinforcement helps toddlers want to repeat good behavior.
- Long-Term Confidence: Feeling supported and understood builds self-esteem.
When Positive Parenting Gets Hard
Positive parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. There will be days when you lose your patience or feel overwhelmed.
What to Do:
- Apologize if you react harshly: “I’m sorry I yelled. Let’s try again together.”
- Reflect on what triggers difficult moments and plan how to handle them differently next time.
- Seek support from other parents, church groups, or parenting resources.
Incorporating Gospel Principles in Positive Parenting
As Latter-day Saints, we can draw on gospel teachings to guide our parenting journey.
- Focus on Christlike Attributes: Strive to embody patience, kindness, and love in your interactions with your toddler.
- Pray for Guidance: Ask Heavenly Father for help in navigating challenges.
- Teach Through Example: Live the principles you want your child to follow.
- Foster Gratitude: Encourage your toddler to say prayers of thanks to recognize blessings.
Personal Reflection:
When I’m struggling to stay patient, I often think about how Heavenly Father shows unconditional love and understanding toward us. It reminds me to offer the same grace to my child.
Conclusion
Positive parenting for toddlers isn’t always easy, but it’s deeply rewarding. By focusing on empathy, clear boundaries, and consistent guidance, you can build a strong, loving relationship with your child. While tantrums and testing limits are part of the journey, they’re also opportunities to teach valuable life skills.
As you apply positive parenting techniques, remember to give yourself grace. Parenting is a learning process, and every effort to parent positively will plant seeds of trust, love, and respect in your toddler’s heart—seeds that will grow into a lifetime of connection.
Want more? Check out our full guide to positive parenting.
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References
US Centers For Disease and Control Prevention, CDC Child Development 2-4 years of age.
US Centers For Disease and Control Prevention, CDC Child Development 1-2 years of age.