He Said He Was a ‘Man of God’—Then I Saw the Red Flags!
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The Illusion of a Godly Man
Many Christian women desire a relationship rooted in faith, love, and mutual devotion to God. We seek a partner who leads with kindness, integrity, and biblical principles. But what happens when someone claims to be a “man of God” yet their actions tell a different story?
I found myself in this exact situation. At first, everything seemed perfect. He quoted Scripture, led prayers, and talked about his deep relationship with Christ. I thought I had met the Godly man I had prayed for.
But as time passed, small things started to stand out—things that didn’t align with the heart of a true Christ-centered man. It wasn’t until I stepped back and truly examined his behavior that I saw the red flags I had been ignoring.
Red Flag #1: He Used Scripture to Control and Manipulate
A true man of God leads with humility and grace, not dominance or manipulation. In my case, he often used Bible verses to justify his behavior and control decisions in our relationship.
He would say things like, “The Bible says wives must submit to their husbands,” even though we weren’t married. If I disagreed, he accused me of being rebellious and not trusting God’s design.
Biblical Truth: Ephesians 5:25 tells men to love their wives as Christ loved the church—selflessly and sacrificially. If a man uses Scripture to suppress or control you, that is spiritual manipulation, not Godly leadership.
Red Flag #2: His Public and Private Selves Didn’t Match
In church, he was charming, friendly, and spiritually engaged. He volunteered, led Bible studies, and was well respected in the congregation. But behind closed doors, his temper would flare, and he would belittle me for small things. I felt emotionally drained, constantly trying to measure up to his impossible standards.
Biblical Truth: Matthew 7:16 says, “You will recognize them by their fruits.” A truly Godly man should bear the fruits of the Spirit in every area of his life—not just in public.
Red Flag #3: He Lacked Genuine Humility
Instead of admitting faults, he always blamed others. If someone confronted him about an issue, he would turn it around and make excuses. I never saw him sincerely repent or seek accountability. He often spoke about his own righteousness rather than the grace of God.
Biblical Truth: Proverbs 11:2 warns, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” A real man of God acknowledges his flaws and seeks wisdom from God and others.
Red Flag #4: He Dismissed My Concerns About Purity
From the start, I made it clear that I wanted to honor God by keeping physical boundaries in our relationship. At first, he agreed, but over time, he started pushing those boundaries, justifying it by saying, “We love each other, and God understands.” When I tried to hold firm, he accused me of being legalistic.
Biblical Truth: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 commands us to “abstain from sexual immorality” and honor our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. A true man of God respects boundaries and seeks to honor God in all areas of the relationship.
Red Flag #5: He Avoided Accountability
When concerns were brought up by mentors or church leaders, he would dismiss them, saying they didn’t understand or that they were jealous of his “calling.” Instead of being open to guidance, he surrounded himself only with people who praised him.
Biblical Truth: Proverbs 27:17 states, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” A Godly man values wise counsel and accountability instead of avoiding it.
Escaping the Illusion
It wasn’t easy to walk away. I had invested so much emotional and spiritual energy into this relationship, hoping it would grow into a Godly marriage. But the more I prayed, the more God revealed the truth—I was ignoring His warnings.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t be afraid to step back and seek clarity. God doesn’t call us into relationships that distort His Word or lead us away from His peace.
Final Thoughts
Being with a truly Godly man is about more than just words—it’s about consistent, Christ-like actions. If someone claims to follow God but manipulates, deceives, or disregards biblical principles, they are not walking in truth.
God desires relationships that reflect His love, grace, and truth. If you are struggling with doubts, trust that He will give you the wisdom and strength to walk in His will. You deserve a love that honors God—not just in words, but in actions.
If this article spoke to you, I encourage you to seek God in prayer and surround yourself with wise counsel. You are not alone, and God will lead you to what is truly best for your heart and future.
Wishing you all the best,
Vanessa Rooney – LDS Mum
