Why Some LDS Families Thrive While Others Struggle—The Surprising Truth
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Introduction: A Tale of Two Families
I remember two families in my ward growing up. Both were faithful Latter-day Saints, attended church every Sunday, and held family home evening regularly. Yet, one family seemed joyful, close-knit, and spiritually strong, while the other struggled with constant contention, disconnection, and frustration.
As a child, I didn’t understand why. Was it just luck? Did one family have easier trials than the other? Now, as a parent myself, I’ve come to realize that the difference wasn’t in their external circumstances—it was in how they approached their faith, their challenges, and their relationships.
What makes the difference between an LDS family that thrives and one that struggles? The answer may surprise you.
The Myth of the “Perfect LDS Family”
Many of us have a vision of what a strong Latter-day Saint family should look like:
- Family prayers morning and night
- Scripture study without complaints
- Family home evening filled with eager participation
- Children who always obey and love going to church
In reality, most families don’t fit this ideal. If you’ve ever struggled to get your kids to sit still for scripture study or felt like family home evening was a chaotic disaster, you’re not alone.
But here’s the surprising truth: Thriving LDS families aren’t perfect—they’re just intentional.
The families that grow stronger through challenges are not the ones who “get everything right” but the ones who focus on building connection, grace, and faith in the right ways.
What Thriving LDS Families Do Differently
1. They Focus on Connection, Not Just Structure
I once visited a family in our ward who had a reputation for being incredibly close. Their teenage kids actually enjoyed spending time with their parents (which seemed like a miracle to me at the time).
I asked the mother what their “secret” was. Her answer stuck with me:
“We don’t just check off spiritual boxes. We focus on staying connected.”
She explained that while they read scriptures and prayed together, their real strength came from open conversations, laughter, and emotional safety.
- Instead of forcing family home evening to be picture-perfect, they adapted it to fit their kids’ personalities.
- Instead of scolding a child for not paying attention during scripture study, they asked questions to help them engage.
- Instead of making faith feel like a chore, they made it part of their natural, daily conversations.
Reflection
- Does your family focus more on rigid routines or on building real connections?
2. They Emphasize Grace Over Perfection
Some LDS families struggle because they feel enormous pressure to be perfect. But the most spiritually strong families understand that perfection isn’t required—progress is.
In thriving families, parents apologize when they make mistakes. They show their children that repentance isn’t just for “big sins” but is part of daily life.
I remember a night when I lost my temper with my kids during family scripture study. Instead of feeling the Spirit, there were only tears. Later, I gathered them and said, “Mom made a mistake. I let my frustration take over, and I didn’t act in love. Will you forgive me?”
That moment taught my children more about the gospel than any perfectly executed scripture lesson could have.
Reflection
- How do you handle mistakes in your family? Do you model repentance and grace?
3. They Make the Gospel Personal
Thriving LDS families don’t just go through the motions of gospel living—they make it deeply personal.
Instead of just saying, “We should read scriptures because we’re supposed to,” they help their children discover why the scriptures matter.
Instead of forcing prayer, they create an environment where children feel comfortable turning to the Lord on their own.
One mother in my ward shared that she encourages her kids to pray about their own struggles rather than just saying a generic family prayer. She told me about a time her son was struggling in school, and instead of solving it for him, she invited him to pray about it and listen for an answer. When he received his own spiritual confirmation, his faith became personal.
Reflection
- Are you helping your children develop their own relationship with God, or are they just following routines?
4. They Talk About Hard Things
Struggling families often avoid difficult conversations. Thriving families, on the other hand, create a safe space for questions, doubts, and struggles.
Many LDS parents worry when their children express concerns about church history, doctrine, or personal faith. But shutting down those conversations can actually weaken faith rather than strengthen it.
Instead of avoiding hard topics, thriving families talk about them openly. They discuss difficult gospel principles, acknowledge that faith requires effort, and remind their children that doubts don’t disqualify them from God’s love.
Reflection
- Do your children feel safe coming to you with spiritual questions?
5. They Serve Together
One powerful way thriving LDS families build unity is through service.
When families serve together—whether it’s ministering to a neighbor, helping in the community, or working together in the temple—they develop a shared purpose. Our family puts their hands up to volunteer to clean the church.
A close family I know has a tradition of secret acts of kindness. They’ll bake cookies and leave them on a neighbor’s doorstep, or shovel someone’s driveway early in the morning. Their children have grown up seeing service as a joyful part of life, not just an assignment.
Reflection
- Does your family have meaningful service traditions?
What If Your Family Is Struggling?
Maybe your family isn’t where you want it to be. Maybe there’s contention, distance, or spiritual apathy in your home. If so, you’re not alone—and it’s not too late to change.
Here are a few steps to start strengthening your family today:
- Have a conversation about connection. Ask your family what would help them feel closer to each other and to God.
- Let go of perfection. Instead of stressing over flawless family nights, focus on small, meaningful moments of faith.
- Start praying as a couple. When parents pray together for their family, it invites divine guidance into the home.
- Create a tradition of grace. Model repentance, forgiveness, and unconditional love in everyday life.
- Make faith a natural part of conversation. Talk about gospel principles as they apply to daily experiences—not just during formal lessons.
Conclusion: It’s About Intentional Effort, Not Perfection
LDS families that thrive aren’t the ones who get everything right. They’re the ones who make intentional efforts to stay connected, show grace, make faith personal, have open conversations, and serve together.
If your family is struggling, remember this: God doesn’t expect perfection—He just wants you to keep trying.
Take one small step today to bring more connection, love, and faith into your home. Over time, those small efforts will lead to something beautiful.
What changes can you make in your family this week? Let’s talk about it in the comments! 👇
Vanessa Rooney – LDS Mum
